This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
