Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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