On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
