A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
