the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
