I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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