I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
