Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
