Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
