So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
