Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she looked like the before picture.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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