I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
