my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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