Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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