Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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