Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
