I'm going to jail i love you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
