there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
