i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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