i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
