My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
