The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
