She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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