Can i not drive my cunt home
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
