If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
