She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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