literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
