Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
