you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
