when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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