my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
