Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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