I think my fart just growled at me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
