Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
