I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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