I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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