hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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