Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
