i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
