Swine flu is the new snow day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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