BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
