I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize