Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
