I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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