ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize