smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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