i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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