There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
