She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
