My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
