I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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