Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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