Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
