fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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