So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
