I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
