There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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