Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
