That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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