Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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