Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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