and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
