I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Houston, we have a blender
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
