SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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