Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
