garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
