So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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